The important difference between loneliness and depression

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In the fall of 2023, New York State Governor Kathy Hochul named Dr. Ruth Westheimer, then 95, New York’s Loneliness Ambassador. Long recognized as America’s most famous sex therapist (she has published 45 books and hosted TV and radio shows about sex and sexuality), Dr. Westheimer has turned her attention in recent years to the loneliness epidemic. As an elderly widow, she has felt the effects of loneliness first-hand, especially during the pandemic, when lockdowns and social distancing have become a way of life.

Dr. Westheimer, who died on July 12 of this year, had one last message to the public. Her last book, The joy of connectionswill be published in September. It is promoted as a book to help people overcome loneliness and live a happier and more meaningful life. I imagine it will have many readers. A survey published in January 2024 by the American Psychiatric Association showed that 1 in 3 people in America feel lonely every week and 10% feel lonely every day.

Growing concern about chronic loneliness and social isolation led the Art and Healing Foundation to launch the UnLonely Project in 2016, an initiative to create programming to destigmatize and raise awareness of loneliness and its negative effects on physical and mental health. mentally. Actor and director Steve Buscemi, known for Boardwalk Empire and Fargo and the director of a film called the listener, about a helpline volunteer who takes calls from people all over the country who are lonely, signed up this year to be the project’s newest ambassador. The foundation’s website offers a series of free short films to watch, each telling stories of loneliness, isolation and resilience.

The many shades of loneliness

Loneliness affects people in many ways. Aging, disability, illness, death, work pressures, lack of social connections, hearing loss… all of these can lead to loneliness. The impact of loneliness is not just emotional. According to the Centers for Disease Control, social isolation significantly increases a person’s risk of heart disease, stroke, premature death, and dementia. The World Health Organization has declared loneliness a “pressing threat to health”, with risks as deadly as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.

While many people who do not have social relationships feel lonely, being alone does not necessarily cause loneliness. In fact, many great thinkers and artists believe that only in solitude can they create meaningful work. Pablo Picasso said: “Without great solitude no serious work is possible.” The corollary is also true: one can know a lot of people but feel disconnected from them and miserably lonely.

Neither one’s age nor one’s living situation is a determinant of loneliness. A young person who has never been in a romantic relationship can feel lonely, but so can a married person feel lonely in their relationship. As Terri Laxton Brooks writes in her book About Loneliness“I couldn’t wait to get out of the farm town where I was raised…I was very surprised when the isolation I felt in that town followed me to Chicago and New York, surprised to find that we carried our boredom and loneliness with wherever we go.”

In 2023, the US Surgeon General released an advisory on the healing effects of social connection and community. Includes strategies to promote social connections. And certainly creative initiatives have been introduced to combat loneliness, especially among seniors, such as Elli-Q, a social robot senior assistant.

But what if you feel unable to do the “right” things to cure loneliness? What if you can’t muster up the energy to meet friends for lunch or dinner, join a book club, work on better communication with your partner, or take any of the steps that experts advice to help conquer loneliness?

Chances are there’s a different dynamic at work.

When loneliness is a sign of depression

There are always reasons you can point to to explain feelings of loneliness. At some point in our lives, each of us experiences loss – whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a job, one’s health, or even the community one has moved from.

Feeling sadness over loss is natural and inevitable. But if, after two or three weeks, you’re not sleeping or eating, you’re acting more irritable than usual, you don’t want to get out of bed, you’re not finding pleasure in things you used to enjoy, and/or you’re avoiding friends , family or colleagues, you may suffer not only from loneliness, but also from depression. If you are inundated with negative thoughts and anxiety, depression is also likely to be at play.

Depressive symptoms manifest in many and different ways depending on the individual. They involve a constellation of physical, cognitive and mood symptoms. Usually, someone who is depressed believes that nothing and no one will be able to help them. My advice: go to a healer. Seek a consultation. You may want to start by seeing a psychotherapist, perhaps one who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. If this doesn’t seem to work, see a psychopharmacologist, as the medications available to treat symptoms of depression can be remarkably effective, often without experiencing any side effects.

The telltale sign of depression is the intensity and frequency of depressive symptoms and one’s inability to “snap out of it.” If the symptoms I have described rule your life, you are experiencing signs of biological depression. While it may have been triggered by loss, and loneliness is a part of it, it can and should be addressed.

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